On changing gender roles (11 March 2008)

So it just so happens that in the past month or so I've read/seen a lot of things that pose a contradictory view of gender roles in the 21st century world. Unfortunately, my conclusion is confusion. Well.... you'll see soon enough.

Part I: Women

I'm not going to spend too much time on this part, since I feel like this topic gets a wealth of attention in popular media. That is not to say that it is unwarranted attention. I think women are in a precarious position in 21st century North America: they have an unbelievable challenge of balancing careers and domestic duties- to a much larger extent than men. Only in recent years has it become expected for a women to succeed in a career. Let's face it- a woman who doesn't have a respectable and independent career is not seen as positively by society. At the same time.... kinda paradoxically, she is no less expected to be a mother and the primary homemaker. She is at the same time expected to be strong & independent, while being weak and submissive. Admittedly, this puts her in a rather weird position. I'm going to stop this dicussion here, since I feel like many many people have spoken about this extensively, and I really don't have any new or insightful obvservations to add.

Part II: Men

This is something less talked about. I watched this movie in my French class today that made me think: it suggested that the role of men and women were really starting to reverse. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but I think there's a lot of confusion. What is the ideal man? I'm not even sure most women could give you a straight answer: should men be gentle and caring (and thus, feminine) or macho and gruff? I feel like a lot of women might say one and mean the other. I also feel like what I aspire to be is not the same as what women look for.

Let me explain this a different way. For the sake of this current discussion, there are two different types of guys: macho (ie, über masculin) and gentle (ie, feminine). Obviously, we all fall on a sort of continuum.... these are what social scientists would call "ideal types", but for the sake of this analysis, I'm going to use them.

Should guys be "macho"? A lot of girls would say yes. After all... they are exciting, strong, manly. The offer the girl what she herself cannot. Yet.... I don't think the 21st century girl really wants a truly macho guy. How many girls want a guy to be physically agressive with her? Do girls really want a guy who is emotionally aloof? Do girls really want a guy with little regard for the law? Do girls really want a guy with a very hairy chest (a very large amount of girls vehemently despise hairy chests)?

So, should guys be nice and gentle? Personally, I kinda wish it was this easy. I try to be nice because I like to be around other people that are nice. Yet girls aren't that simple. A guy who is too nice is spineless and feminine.... and I think most girls would say that, while they may admire him as a friend, an overly nice guy is not attractive.

So where does that leave us? I don't know.... I think we're in an awkward transition phase. We are in a post-liberation age in which women are (in my opinion rightfully) gaining social, legal, and economic equality. In many ways women expect to have the same respect as men. Yet, the change is not yet complete- especially not on the social sphere. Women still expect men to pay on dates (even though they now have almost the same salaries on average). Women still expect men to be stronger and taller than them. Women still expect men to take the first step in the dating process. Yet with traditional courtship rituals being constantly redefined.... it's very hard for men to know when to take the first step.

Part III: Concluding thoughts

The video suggested that it is now harder to be a man than it is to be a woman. In many ways I disagree with that.... after all, women have biological hardships that I don't know the least about. Women also still have to face intense pressures to be pretty and thin. Women still face descrimination - look at Hillary Clinton and her campaign for president. Yet in many ways, it is a valid point. Men currently have a very ambigious role in society. They have to stradle many very fine lines and be many things at once. Admittedly, I began this entry saying the same thing about women. But I think it's at least equally as difficult for men- especially compared to several generations ago. It is important for men to be strong- but not too strong. It is important for men to be masculin- but not too masculin. Now, it is becoming almost as important for men to be good-looking as it is for girls to be pretty- not quite a fair expectation when women, unlike men, were created to be beautiful. It is still important for guys to take the first step in dating- yet more and more girls close themselves off and make themselves difficult to approach. Similalry, more and more girls just flirt with all their guy friends (something that wouldnt have happened 60 years ago) - which just confuses the guys even more.

I'm not necessarily lamenting these changes.... it's just a gradual transition. Right now we're in a rather confusing stage, and I don't really know what I should aspire to. I don't feel as though there's anything wrong with gender liberation- I just wish it would be more complete. If men are still expected to lead as strongly as before, then they should have the priveleges and all the upper hands as before. If women expect to be treated as equals, then they should act as equals. My personal preference is the latter option becuase i feel that more closely ressembles the situation I've always lived in. Unlike many guys, I totally respect a girl who is strong (physically and emotionally) and independent. I ALWAYS admire a girl with the courage to take the first move. I admire and support women in their higher aspiriations - even if it's more ambitious than my own. (Unless of course this is taken to extreme and becomes an obsession- see my prior entry). I respect a girl who will stand up for herself and stand her own ground. In fact, I would go so far as to say these qualities are desireable and extremely attractive (as long as the women is not overly aggressive and vicious).

As a guy, I think we should be who we are- I don't think we should alter ourselves to some sort of societal ideal. I think niceness and gentless- even if it is feminine- are amazing values. Although I'm not romantically attracted to men, I think these qualities are really what makes a man worth getting to know- worth befriending. I think it is lamentable when a perfectly decent guy becomes a jerk in an effort to be "macho". At the same time, I think a man should be strong. He should be physically robust (ie, take care of himself) and should stand up for himself and his friends.

It almost seems to be that men and women are really starting to look alike. Not, obviously, in physical appearance, but in idealised personality. I don' t think this is a bad thing- just radically different.