This is a tricky one for me to write. One of the most important aspects of our everyday life is self-esteem. It sounds quite simple: all you have to do is be happy with yourself. Yet, why is it so hard for so many people, including me?
First of all, I think everyone should have a good self-esteem because they deserve to! We were all created by God, individually. We are His artwork. He calls us beautiful! And we are! People in general are beautiful! We all have different gifts and blessings which make us unique and awesome individuals.
Having a good self-esteem will also work to improve your day to day life. Doing things are just generally easier when you have confidence in yourself. People are generally more attracted to you (avoid being arrogant, however). It's easier to sleep at night and to get up in the morning.
So why is this so difficult for so many people? Well that,s why I'm writing this.... it's probably just as difficult for me as it is for most people. I'm going to attempt to figure out why having a good self-esteem can be difficult for some people. The simple answer is: other people! Other people have this image of who the iedal man/woman is. This differs from culture to culture. But all of us have this vision of the ideal man/woman. Of course, no one really complies with this image, but some people come closer than others. The simple, unfortuante, fact is that some people were made more physically attractive than others, smarter than others, more athletic than others, funnier than others, etc. Few of us can really comply with such high societal standards, and we feel down on ourselves when we fail to do so, especially when we encounter those people who seem to be perfect at everything.
Also, some people are simply rude. They treat you with disrespect, insult you- and we take it personally. Well- why wouldn't we? I myself experiences this recently, with a person whom I respect (or at least though I respected) just started insulting me personally. It's tough to swallow. But when someone insults you like this, there are two possiblities. The first possibility is that what the person says has validity to it.... think of it as a blessing! Someone's telling you in concrete terms how you can improve yourself, which will ultimately make you feel better about yourself. The second possibility is that this person is simply wrong. In which case, while what he says is still difficult to hear, it'S meaningless and thus shouldn't effect your self-image.
It's true that some people make no genuine effort to love others. And this can contribute to a low self-esteem- if you don't love others, than do you love yourself? For those of you that are Christians, it is our calling to love everyone! Ultimately, if you love everyone, the chances are that it will be reciprocated, at least by some people. After all..... no man is a failure who has friends. :-). That's something that seems simple enough, but is often hard to realise. Sometimes it seems like those 2 or 3 really good friends aren't enough. It's frustrating when no one really wants to hang out with you on Saturday night, except for your few good friends who might all be really busy, or in the Dominican Republic or something. It can be especially frustrating for those of us in search of that special other person to be our companions and it seems like we're always being rejected. But, even if we never get married (and I believe that God has made someone for everyone.... He will bring them in our lives when He believes its most appropriate) we still have people who love us! And if some person who is in no way obligated to love you does so on his own accord.... that's gotta say something. And let's not forget about how God loves each and everyone of us for the wonderfully beautiful people we are.
I battle with self-esteem problems everyday. I find it difficult to look in mirrors or in photographs of me becuase of how ugly I think I am. I can't stand to hear my voice because of how ugly it sounds. I find it extremely difficult to just call someone up (male or female, but espcially female) and just arrange a hang out time. But, these things aside, I chose to try to life a live that makes it easier for me to love myself. Whether or not I succeed at that is questionable. But, Jesus is always there for me to help me along.
Ultimately, I think the answer to this problem lies in two things. First of all, we have to remember that cultural standards are a) man-made, and b) not universal. People considered successful in one society may be looked down upon in another. Standards have changed over the years and may change again. Your perception of yourself (and/or other people) as ugly is actually just arbitrary. Secondly, we can consciously work to change this image of ourselves. We each have the power to, in some way, spread love to everyone we see. And even if that love is only reciprocated by one person, you're still a success. If some person loves you, then why wouldn't you love yourself?
Just a few thoughts....
**edit 19 May 2008**
More than a year later, I feel like my self-esteem has improved dramatically. In retrospect, when writing this entry, I was definitely battling with self-esteem problems. Nonetheless, I still stand by most of what I wrote then. I have a few additions:
1) Travelling works wonders on your self esteem! My travels in Southeast Asia and Morocco improved my confidence in many ways and for several reasons. I'd recommend this to anyone needing that boost- not only does it give you time alone to reflect on your life, but it also gives you new experiences and worldly insight.
2) So does a hobby. Developing something you're good at - which can be shared and appreciated by others- will make you feel better about yourself. This can come in many forms. I chose to learn how to cook, which I particularly enjoy because a) it's a cheap hobby and, b) it's prety much universally appreciated, since everyone needs to eat, and almost everyone loves food. Of course, there are many many other hobbies that will do you well: sports (football is kind of an universal language), music (as is the guitar), games (chess, poker, &c.), art, pottery, dancing, many many more. Many of these hobbies will make you more respected by others, including yourself.
3) Work on little things. In Feb 2007, I said that cultural standards of attractiveness are often aribtrary and unattainable. While I stand by this, no one can change the fact that these standards DO exist. The unfortunate reality is that a person's looks- or better, the perception of his looks- impacts greatly his self-esteem, and essentially his life. Statistics generally say that people who see themself as good-looking are much more successful than people who don't see themselves as good looking. Unfortunately, some of us were blessed with good looks, while some of us weren't- in some sense, we must accept whatever fate was decided for us. However, we can work on little things to make us more attractive to others and ourselves. A few examples of this: dressing well, keeping good hygeine, grooming well, keeping fit, handling yourself well - I think mostly all of these things can transcend natural looks and help make you seem more attractive- at least to yourself. When you begin to see yourself as attractive, an undeniable consequence is greater self-esteem and confidence.
4) By far the most important thing (in my opinion anyway) is choosing the people you associate yourself with. This needs to be thought of in two ways.
a) Surround yourself with supportive friends. This is easier said than done- since you can't just walk into a bar and find friends. They have to sort of just come randomly. And even then, you don't know if they'll be good friends. A good friend is someone who will support and love you for who you are. Sure, they can be honest and tell you when you're being obnoxious, or if you're doing something unwise. But, the friend will not see you any differently- and will still love you as a friend. These are the people you need to surround yourself with.
b) PRobably the most important thing of all: remove yourself from negative people. All my life I had been surrounded by negative people- my family is full of them. I can tell you from experience that these people will have a disasterous impact on how you view yourself. The fact is, for some reason or another, some people are annoying, rude, arrogant, and/or overly negative. If people make you feel uncomfortable in anyway- stay away from them! This is a lesson I learned rather late. But you shouldn't feel obliged to like someone becuase they seem to be popular- chances are, you're not the only person who finds them unbearable. I'm not saying you should wish harm unto people you dislike- far from it. You should wish them all the best. I also believe, if you are faced with such people, you should treat them with respect and civility, even if they fail to reciprocate it. However, one thing that I can't overemphasise: for your own sake, you should avoid these people at all costs!
I know that must've sounded a bit harsh....
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